the E Q U A L I S T

Living with disappointment....as a motivation

Last week I did not get something I wanted. It was a fellowship that would have allowed me to make art in Berlin. Despite my best efforts, I had begun to count my chickens before they hatched by allowing myself to dream. Well, after wishing away months to hear the news, the email came swift and disappointing. “We are sorry to inform you that…..” I cannot say it felt like a punch to the gut as much as the air being sucked from the room. 

A few days later I made one last trip at 6 AM to finish installing photographs at FaithAction house in Greensboro. Most of the photos where of undocumented immigrant and their children. After focusing on getting the works up on the wall correctly I had a few moments alone in the building before the staff arrived. I decided to read the narratives that went with with the photos. What struck me, and finally brought me to tears, was the repeated denial of dreams placed in the laps of these people; no license, no citizenship, no work, no mobility, no access to higher education, no access to their dreams. The pain I felt from my small defeat acted like a loud speaker for my soul to feel the deeper, more debilitating pain they must feel on an on-going daily basis. How can they manage?

Some do not manage well. Some kill themselves. Others die a slower death by alcohol. But many others find the strength to stand up and walk on. One undocumented immigrant showed me a tattoo on his sholder. It was of a skeleton soldier, in tattered clothing, slowly crawling forward. “That’s me.” He explained. “I never give up. “

I left my own show that day with a deeper respect for the community of immigrants that some would call “illegal.” Pardon, but my wounded heart knows they are heros. Following their fine example, I will keep crawling. Forward. For them. For myself. For all of us. 

SUPPORTING AL AQSA CLINIC

A portion of profits from the rental of the Muslim Self Portrait Exhibitions will be donated to a growing free medical clinic in Greensboro, NC. Founded and run by a group of Muslim Women this effort has gained the support and recognition of US Representative Howard Coble, High Point University President Nedo Quobane, and others. Al Aqsa Community Clinic serves anyone, regardless of ability to pay, or status. They are currently fund raising to purchase their own building and manage the hundreds of clients they are seeing regularly. From diagnosing cancer to treating diabetes, this clinic is doing good works for the wider community. 

What I learned in New York City recently:

Broad street used to be a wide inlet that allowed sailing vessels inside, like an embrace. 

You can hear a women lightly singing to herself on a crowded subway train when you sit next to her. 

Gulab painted using a dry brush but his people are filled with blood. 

Three Tibetan men are slowly starving to death across from the United Nations.

It’s sad to see - 2011 beside Lucian Freud’s paintings.

There is no space to add another lock on the stone towers of Brooklyn Bridge.

The little women in the hole in the floor at PS1 cannot be seen now, but she can be still be heard. 

The cats in the exhibit upstairs are tired of visitors. 

You can still see where the name was on the folk art museum beside MOMA. Where did the art go? 

A child picking up her dad’s papers on stage is just as beautiful as the poem he reads. 

Going back to ground zero is still too hard. 

Check out Esse at The Mathers

The Matters Museum in Bloomington, Indiana has the Esse Quam Videri Muslim Self Portrait Exhibition up through June, 2012. Check it out and tell the staff there you heard they are awesome- because they are!